


Mountain Deep Water

by radishface



Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: First Time, Gen, M/M, Magic Made Them Do It, Magical Realism, Travel, World Travel, bros traveling together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-02-16 14:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13056060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radishface/pseuds/radishface
Summary: "He decided to get up and explore a bit, see if he could remember where they were before the others woke. He gently slid out from Minhyun’s embrace and stood, putting his hands on his hips and stretching backwards, listening to the crunching noises his joints made. Then he realized he could still see himself, sitting practically in Minhyun’s lap."In which Nu'est go on a much-needed holiday after finally reuniting in December 2018, and Kim Jonghyun learns to finally put words to what he's always felt.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Fossil Water](https://archiveofourown.org/works/36675) by [quercus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/quercus/pseuds/quercus). 



> Load up this [lush, lo-fi, dreamy playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/spotify/playlist/37i9dQZF1DXc8kgYqQLMfH) to set the mood.

 

 

Jonghyun woke to find himself slumped against Minhyun’s bony shoulder, his left hand on Minhyun’s right thigh.

 

Dongho, Minki, and Aaron were asleep across the narrow aisle. From the slight rocking motion, Jonghyun realized they were on a boat, and from the pale pink light, he knew it was near dawn.

 

Turning his head to the right, he looked out a large window onto the water through which they passed. Far away in the horizon, he could catch a glimpse of land.

 

He wondered where they were. He wondered how they got there. He looked again across to the other seats. Dongho was cuddled up next to Minki, his arm wrapped around Minki’s shoulders protectively.

 

Minhyun sighed, and Jonghyun returned his attention to him. He could feel Minhyun’s breath on his cheek, and smell him: soap and a light milkiness. Familiar odors after all these years. Minhyun was snoring slightly; Jonghyun assumed that's what had woken him.

 

He decided to get up and explore a bit, see if he could remember where they were before the others woke. He gently slid out from Minhyun’s embrace and stood, putting his hands on his hips and stretching backwards, listening to the crunching noises his joints made. Then he realized he could still see himself, sitting practically in Minhyun’s lap.

 

He started in shock, and moved out into the aisle, staring back. At himself. Minhyun snuffled and snorted, then resettled, resting his cheek against his. Against Jonghyun’s. The body he'd left behind.

 

They were on a boat. The four of them had claimed seats near the back, near the connecting doors to another car. He could see through the windows into the next car, also dimly lit. In their own car, a few more people sat or curled up on the seats, asleep. He was the only one awake.

 

There were signs posted near the doors at either end. He studied the one behind him, but couldn't make sense of it. The characters were a mix of Latin and Katakana. They fell into barred clusters, into what he knew must be individual words, and the words fell into larger clusters, into sentences and paragraphs.

 

So either it was a dream or they were outside Korea. Traveling across the ocean in the early morning. Going where, and why?

 

He walked back to his friends. To his body, lying so trustingly in Minhyun’s arms. His face looked younger, he thought, than the face he normally saw in the mirror. Minhyun’s face was also softened by sleep.

 

Jonghyun was struck, too, by how tenderly Minhyun held him, and how easily he let Minhyun hold him. If this was a dream, he decided, it was a dream with a message he wanted to hear.

 

The boat began to rock, jerkily, and suddenly he found himself back in his body, a little sweaty, his eyes full of sleep and his mouth tasting nasty. He leaned back, putting his hands on Minhyun’s shoulders. Minhyun opened his eyes and smiled at him. "Good morning," he said, and Minhyun nodded.

 

“Jonghyun-san.” He looked up from Minhyun to see a short man leaning over them, speaking in a quiet, gravelly voice. He had on a green beanie too long for his head and wore thick-rimmed brown glasses. Underneath a puffy black jacket he wore a thick white turtleneck sweater. "Good morning, friends. We will be in Wakkanai soon. You will be ready?"

 

Minhyun said, "We will, Resak.” Jonghyun nodded.

 

"Good," Resak said, bowing. "We will break our fast together there, after the ritual." He settled back into the seat across the aisle from them.

 

"You are ready, aren't you, Jonghyun?” Minhyun asked sotto voce.

 

"Of course I am." After a pause, Jonghyun said, "I had an interesting dream just now.”

 

“What was it about?” Dongho was rooting around in his backpack, which his feet had been crossed over. "Naked babes?”

 

“Not really.”

 

"Good morning," Aaron said, as Minki stretched next to him. "I had a weird dream, too."

 

“Babes,” Dongho added, opening a water bottle and handing it to Minki, who drank gratefully, then splashed water on his face.

 

"God, I need a shower," Minki muttered. "What was your dream about, Jonghyun?”

 

"I dreamt I left my body and walked up the aisle here."

 

“Exciting,” Dingo snickered. “Forget the babes, yeah."

 

“Idiot,” Minhyun said affectionately, taking the water bottle Minki handed to him and drinking deeply. "I suppose your dream was much better. Full of naked babes."

 

"Hmph,” Dongho snorted.

 

“Yeah,” Aaron leaned to his side, rubbing shoulders with Dongho. “Minhyun, did you dream?”

 

Minhyun’s face was unreadable as he shook his head. “Maybe everyone did but me. What did you dream about, Aaron?”

To Jonghyun’s surprise, Aaron blushed. Dongho hooted. "Naked babes, Aaron?”

 

"I think you're projecting,” Aaron muttered.

 

“So many babes,” Dongho laughed.

 

“Dongho!” Jonghyun laughed. “Enough with the babes! Jesus, you’re something this morning.“

 

Dongho looked somewhere between abashed and chuffed. "Sorry, leader. I took it too far. I sincerely apologize."

 

Jonghyun rolled his eyes, but couldn't help the smile on his face. Well, whatever the cause of their dreams, it had put them all in a good mood this morning.

 

Already he could feel his dream slipping away from him. He could remember it had held significance for him, and he remembered the feeling of affection toward Minhyun, but what it had meant was gone now—if he'd ever known.

 

The train jiggled to a halt and Minhyun passed around a handful of granola bars. “All right, everybody. Who knows when another feast like this will take place? Let’s eat now, just in case."

 

 

* * *

 

As it so often was, Minhyun’s advice was good, Jonghyun thought hours later as he sat on a cold composite floor waiting for the apparently endless ritual to end. They'd spent the last two weeks going from city to city in a remote region in Hokkaido. The first week was spent at a ski lodge and then Minhyun had booked them on a cultural exchange retreat, led by an Ainu academic who spoke fluent Korean and knew the region around Northwest Hokkaido. As difficult as it was to get out into the middle of nowhere, Jonghyun was pleased that they could experience something different together.

 

He thought about the day Minhyun’s contract with CJ E&M Entertainment finally ended. How they had all been counting the days. In the last month, Jonghyun had been counting the hours.

 

As media would have it, they were scheduled to appear on a variety show together a few weeks before Minhyun’s contract ended. He and Minki were guests, as were Minhyun, Jisung, and Daehwi—a sort of “reunion reflection” special.

 

He had assiduously avoided Minhyun’s gaze all year at every awards show, at every event, at every variety show, because he didn’t know that simply looking at his friend would be such a cause of pain. He was afraid that if he did hug Minhyun, he wouldn’t be able to let go.

 

But now that Minhyun was coming back so soon, it was hard not to look. To take in his fill of his friend.

 

Minhyun and their host, Yoo Jaesuk, had easy banter, and Jisung kept much of the momentum going. Jonghyun didn’t have much to say during the comedy segments, but when the conversation turned serious, Jaesuk’s eyes found his.

 

“And Kim Jonghyun, who has been the leader of Nu’est W for the last year and a half—the nation’s leader, they call you.”

 

“Oh, that.” Jonghyun blushed at the old nickname, and Minki stifled a snicker next to him. It was something he would never live down.

 

“It’s a good nickname!” Daehwi laughed. Jonghyun smiled back.

 

“I was the only one here who never got to be on a team with him,” Jisung pouted, “and I wish I had. It would have been nice to let someone else lead for once.”

 

“Seems like you were quite popular back during Produce 101,” Jaesuk continued. “And your popularity never was really the same after the show, was it?”

 

“All of us in Nu’est—“ Jonghyun peered around at Minki, “owe so much to our time on Produce 101.”

 

“Are you excited to finally be rejoined by your absent teammate?” Jaesuk asked, and Minki could barely hold back his smile.

 

“Minhyun’s been doing so well the last year and a half,” Minki whined, “we were afraid that he wouldn’t want to come back to us. So that’s why we had to work extra hard to make Nu’est W a success—to make sure we were worthy of our Prince Hwang’s homecoming.”

 

“I’m of course sad that my time in Wanna One will be coming to an end,” Minhyun said after Minki finished. “But I am happy that I will be rejoining my friends in Nu’est. It has been a while.”

 

Jonghyun let himself then finally let himself look fully at Minhyun. His long-absent friend was wearing a pink shirt underneath a thick white v-neck sweater and the sleeves came down well past his knuckles. His neck emerged pale and long from the collar. Under the studio lamps, he was sweating lightly. The makeup artist had gone a touch too heavy on the lip tint as was the trend, and so Minhyun’s lips looked fresh-bitten. Jonghyun pinched himself.

 

“It has been a while,” Jonghyun said, and then realized that the mic had picked it up even though he hadn’t meant to say it aloud. Minhyun laughed.

 

Backstage, Minhyun had reached for his arm. Squeezed it lightly, before being whisked back to the dressing room.

 

Their manager had wanted to formalize the re-integration of Minhyun—probably because he was nervous about how it would go. He had booked the company’s biggest and fanciest meeting room for the occasion. All four of them were vibrating in the posh leather chairs as they waited for the moment Minhyun walked through the door.

 

And so Minhyun had, wearing a camel coat, a thick white sweater, and black jeans. He had bowed deeply and said, in a shaking voice, how glad he was to be back. Minki broke rank first, jumping up out of his chair to topple Minhyun with a hug. After that, it turned into a bear pile as they each piled on. Everyone was in tears.

 

Jonghyun remembers being happy and scared when Minhyun’s eyes met his in the thick of the group hug. Because now he was allowed to look as long as he wanted. Now he was finally allowed to touch.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

And now they sat side by side, knees touching.

 

The village they were in, which was near the coast, was cold and dry. It was elevated half a mile above sea level, so Jonghyun wondered if the change in oxygen levels was what had caused his dream this morning. At any rate, instead of having problems with his allergies, he now had problems with his sinuses, and even Minhyun, usually a quiet sleeper, was snoring too.

 

In spite of all that, he was happy to be here, sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of a low table surrounded by strangers. They all seemed short to him—although he had to admit that Nu’est was comprised of an unusually tall group of people—and they all seemed to have darkly weathered skin. From a lack of ozone in the mountains, Aaron had said, so all five teammates kept smearing on sunblock, even inside the trains.

 

Jonghyun looked up in time to realize that the final stage of the ritual had arrived. They were accustomed to it now, and so he automatically held out his hands for Minhyun and Dongho to take; Minhyun took Resak, their guide’s, sitting next to him, and Dongho took Minki’s and Minki took Aaron’s, until the entire table was linked. The first time this had happened, he'd been more than surprised, but now he liked it. At times, he liked it a lot. At other times, it frightened him.

 

Jonghyun took a deep breath, grateful the granola bar had had a couple hours ago, and closed his eyes.

 

He could feel the base of his spine warm and solid against the floor. There was a gentle rushing noise, and he thought he might be hearing the pulse of everyone in the room, their blood shooting through their arteries and then drawing slowly back up through their veins, and a slight almost electrical charge began to tingle in his fingers, then wrists, then up his arms, and then his entire body. He felt the hair on his arms stand up, then on the nape of his neck, and finally on his head.

 

He braced for what came next, relaxing his jaw—after he'd bitten his tongue a couple times, he'd learned that trick—and then

 

he realized Dongho was suffering from a mild cramp in his lower back

 

Minki really needed to meditate

 

Aaron really missed Korean food

 

Minhyun ached with regrets and old sorrows

 

Resak missed his mother

 

someone's father was dying painfully

 

someone was afraid their secret would be discovered

 

someone else decided to leave school despite his parents' wishes

 

someone felt cold and grateful that they were inside

 

Then it was gone, they were gone, and he exhaled gratefully.

 

He felt Minhyun tense next to him and he squeezed his hand comfortingly. Always when this happened, he became aware of Minhyun’s sorrows, of how hard it had been for him to be away from Nu’est for more than a year, and always he wished so much he could comfort his friend. Jonghyun turned to gaze at him, sitting so near, his features familiar and well-loved. Minhyun smiled shyly at him, not really meeting his eyes, and Jonghyun wondered what Minhyun had learned about Jonghyun this past week.

 

“Not much,” Minhyun said, and released his hand to pick up a cup of water placed before them as a signal to break their fast. "Nothing to worry about."

 

Jonghyun smiled back. Odd, how quickly he'd become accustomed to the sudden infusion of information about the people surrounding him. He was starting to wonder if people weren't supposed to know this much about their friends. Maybe modern society pushed people away from each other, compartmentalized them, so they couldn't know.

 

Or maybe he was just weird. Wait, that was Minhyun’s thought. Minhyun toasted him.

 

The intimate knowledge would slowly fade; he knew that now, although he'd been a bit frightened at first that it was permanent. But instead, it faded. Like love, and then he wondered whose thought that was, because it wasn't his, he was certain. Maybe the person having an affair.

 

The first time Resak had walked them through this ritual, the shock had sent them running back to their hotel. Jonghyun had insisted to their hosts that there was an emergency back in Korea that they needed to call about. And back in their rooms, the residual telepathy or whatever it was diminished quickly—more quickly the first time, he thought—and they felt nothing physically wrong with them within an hour.

 

"Perhaps our electrolytic balance was off," was all Minhyun could come up with, as they puzzled through what had just happened. “So we should eat beforehand."

 

 

* * *

 

 

After two days in the hotel, when no side effects could be spotted or felt, they returned to their hosts. Jonghyun apologized profusely to Resak and the other ritual leaders, but thankfully their hosts were gracious. After the next ritual, he knew they knew why they had gone away, but nothing was ever mentioned out loud, and they continued their trek around Hokkaido.

 

Jonghyun liked the inhabitants, he liked the culture they came into contact with here. Not as loud or as noisy as Seoul, but the population was significantly smaller. He especially liked where they were now, in the smaller islands off Hokkaido proper. They felt like another world, one they'd since lost contact with.

 

Their host Resak was a historian and genealogist. He had told them about the history of the Ainu and the surrounding regions. According to ancient legend, the deity Kamuy drained the water from the world with the help of a bird. The mountains and plains became inhabitable and were ruled by the first Ainu, the son of heavenly couple Okikurumi and Turesh. In modern times, there were some Ainu living in Sakhalin and in Korea, but they were few and far between.

 

Jonghyun had felt an immediate bond to the place as he heard its creation story. Something about the seas parting and something that had been there all along becoming revealed. Resak had sensed his feeling and had embraced him. “My friend,” he'd said happily.

 

The breakfast was good. Some dried salmon and *sayo*, a kind of porridge. The food was simple and clean, and even though Dongho was suffering withdrawal from the lack of spiciness, Jonghyun liked it. He knew Minhyun did, too, watching him tuck into a large dish of porridge and something like pickled lily bulbs.

 

Their only drink at the rituals was water, but oh, what water. Brought from deep within the mountain ice, it was pure and slightly fizzy. Aaron swore it got him a bit high, and Minki had spoken wonderingly about bottling it and taking it back to Seoul. As if Minki knew what Jonghyun was thinking, which he very well might, he smiled at Jonghyun from over his cup.

 

“Everyone,” Resak said. "There is a famous museum here, with lovely works from the region. Would you like to visit it?"

 

Jonghyun looked around the table and saw the interest in his members’ eyes. “I believe all of us would like to go.”

 

“Even me,” Dongho chimed in, raising his eyebrows.

 

Resak nodded, but he, too, was smiling. They'd traveled together for two weeks, and he seemed to appreciate Dongho’s sense of humor. Either that or he was just being polite. Minhyun’s eyes flicked up at Jonghyun, and he wondered if they were still connected. But, he reminded himself, they were often on the same wavelength, even back in Korea.

 

The museum itself was beautiful. Low, to blend into the surroundings, but with lots of windows and long interior walls to show off the beautiful artwork.

  
Statues, mostly. Jonghyun studied one: human-shaped and life-sized, a nude male, rather Giacometti-like in its elongated limbs. He looked from it to their host, who stood over a foot shorter than Jonghyun. Resak nodded his head in an almost Korean way. Jonghyun grinned. They really felt like cousins.

 

"What's this?" Minki stage-whispered, and the other four drew near him. A sphere made of some translucent white material, like lucite, sat on a pedestal.

 

"Ah, this is by Isa, one of my favorite artists," Resak told them. "She died some time ago in this area, but her work is just now becoming fashionable in Japan.“

 

Dongho quirked his head. “Is it supposed to do something?"

 

"Oh, oh. Good. Always fun to show people this. You must look into the ball, and focus your eyes in the middle of it. And then wait.”

 

Jonghyun stared into the sphere. First he tilted his head, then he leaned forward. Minhyun leaned his head back, putting his hands on his hips. Minki and Aaron stared intently, but Dongho looked exactly the same as he did when not staring at the sphere. Jonghyun re-focused his attention into the center, remembering all those years ago when he'd studied himself intently in the mirror, practicing dance routines into the early dawn.

 

He slowly became aware that the sphere was moving. Rising slowly, hovering just a few centimeters off its pedestal. He stepped back, and the sphere followed. Cautiously, he reached out and waved a hand over it, feeling for a spring or something that would account for its movement. When he glanced at Minhyun, he saw that he was staring fixedly at something at eye level, but when Jonghyun looked back at the sphere, it was on the pedestal again.

 

"What just happened?" he asked Resak. Minhyun shook his head and looked at him in surprise.

 

"What did you see?" Their host asked.

 

"The ball, um, well, moved. Up. But then it was there again."

 

"And you, Minhyun?”

 

For a moment, Jonghyun thought Minhyun might not answer. Then he took a deep breath and said, “Same. Up, then back to normal.”

 

“Aaron?”

 

Aaron blushed. "Nothing, Resak. I watched and watched, but it just sat there.”

 

“Maybe it glowed?” Minki ventured.

 

“Aaron’s right," Dongho said with great confidence. Jonghyun thought it might be hiding irritation. "The ball didn’t move."

 

Resak smiled at them all. "You are all right; it doesn't move. But certain individuals can focus their eyes on the exact spot that produces an illusion of movement. The longer you can keep your eyes focused there, the greater the illusion of movement."

 

“Has anyone taken it apart, to look for equipment?" Aaron asked.

 

"Oh, no!" Resak assured him. "No one would think of suggesting such a thing. It’s the artist’s own magic. Nobody knows how it actually works.“

 

"How come only Jonghyun and I saw it float?” Minhyun asked.

 

"I saw it, too," Resak said, and Jonghyun detected a note of pride in his voice. "Only certain people can. It is unknown why some can and others cannot. Perhaps some fluke of personality. That's what I believe, at least. Others have suggested a vision deficit."

 

"But Minhyun has perfect vision, while I'm near-sighted," Jonghyun objected.

 

Resak shrugged. "Then perhaps not. No one knows. But please, there is much more to see here."

 

They spent another ninety minutes or so in the museum, even gaining access to its storerooms where archeological artifacts from the surrounding regions was contained thanks to Resak’s connections. Then they left to prepare for another ritual before dinner.

 

Jonghyun, while he appreciated and enjoyed the rituals, was getting a little tired of the social dinners; he was not, by nature, a particularly gregarious person, but it was part of the cultural exchange and a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and so they had to go.

 

They spent the night by the Wakkanai ports before embarking on a ferry that would take them to their next destination, which, Resak told them happily, was also his hometown. There would be, Resak warned them, a bit of a choppy journey. There would be high winds that would rock the boat, so they should be prepared.

 

They were headed even further up north, which excited Jonghyun. Rishiri Island was on the outskirts of Hokkaido. He'd been imagining what such a place might look like—a place at the end of the world. Dongho was a bit crabby about it since he had originally proposed they spend their time at a beachside retreat in Goa, where the weather was mild and there were hordes of leggy Eastern European women breezing around in yoga pants.

 

“We’ll eat well when we get there,” Jonghyun tried to comfort him, but Dongho had then started to complain about the lack of spiciness in Ainu cuisine.

 

“We’ll buy you a volcano noodles when we get back," Minki promised him. "Now be quiet, you.”

 

Now that there was some silence on the ferry ride, Jonghyun dug out his journal and began to document what he'd seen and learned that day.

 

Two weeks on the road, and Jonghyun was getting tired. He knew the others were, too. Still, it was exhilarating to be here, staring out at the water, exploring the countryside. There had been mountains with extraordinary purity of snow. The texture of dark firs on the white mountains sloping gently into sprawling flatlands was a beautiful sight to see. And now they were on the water, dark clouds rolling in from above, casting dramatic shadows on the waves. Jonghyun hadn’t expected the winter here to be so beautiful.

 

But things weren’t always what you expected them to be. He’d learned that the hard way, over many years. He worked as an idol and he liked his job, even if he did regret not being able to be himself sometimes. "That's the price," their CEO had told them long ago, when they were frustrated and on the verge of disbanding.

 

But they were still here—and now they were finally back together as five. Minhyun had returned.

 

Jonghyun looked at his friend, dozing on the seat next to him. He stretched and put down the journal, today's entry still absent, and closed his eyes, surrendering to the gentle rocking of the ferry they rode to Resak’s home.

 

He dreamed again. This time, he knew he was dreaming. He gave himself to the dream as if to a lover and let it take him where it wanted. Into Minhyun’s arms, of course, where he was curled, feeling protective and protected.

 

He'd stopped wondering about their relationship some time ago. Their experiences here, at the rituals in the places they'd visited, had only confirmed what he'd hoped. What he felt for Minhyun had grown far beyond any friendship he'd ever known. He also knew that Minhyun felt strongly for him.

 

Jonghyun didn't think they were experiencing a true telepathy, because that didn’t exist in this world. But he couldn't be sure. He wasn't even really sure what telepathy was. Hearing voices in your head? Seeing pictures? Feeling what others felt? The pre-meal ritual they'd learned wasn't any of that, not really. But he was hard pressed to say what it was.

 

He'd written many pages in his journal the first week trying to describe the phenomenon and to capture the sensation. But he'd given up; it was impossible to analyze or represent. It just was, just like sight and sound and taste. A full-bodied, immediate, powerful knowledge, unmediated and inexplicable.

 

He hadn’t asked their host about it. It felt too intimate, too brazen, to talk about such a thing openly, despite it being a public ceremony. And to be honest, his host probably knew of his questions, anyway. Resak had been willing to discuss the prescribed procedures. It occurred after a fast, after drinking the water from a local aquifer, and only upon physical contact. But beyond that, Jonghyun’s shyness had inhibited any further questioning.

 

Jonghyun had ventured to ask Dongho, Aaron, and Minki. Privately. Aaron and Minki had blushed and stammered and mumbled something about not being really sure what happened. Dongho had stared at him for a long time, and then said, “It’s weird.”

 

He hadn't asked Minhyun yet. Couldn't imagine asking Minhyun. Because with Minhyun, he knew it was more than just a feeling. With his heart but with his mind, too, he knew that he loved Minhyun, and that Minhyun loved him.

 

Minhyun also loved Dongho and Aaron and Minki. He'd learned that as well. He’d also learned that they were all a little in love with him—that's why they all followed Jonghyun so willingly, and why Jonghyun would never leave any of them behind.

 

But what Minhyun felt for Jonghyun, he now knew, exceeded anything else in Minhyun’s life. Jonghyun held that knowledge close to him; he reveled in it. He could give Minhyun more than anyone else could. His presence in Minhyun’s life meant more than anyone else's. Jonghyun knew that now, without a word spoken between them, without a gesture, without a kiss.

 

And Jonghyun was happy.

 

He dreamed that he turned in Minhyun’s arms and looked up at his sleeping face. He loved that Minhyun so trusted Jonghyun that he would permit him to see this side of him: undefended, unburdened. He treasured these moments, these dreams that Hokkaido had given him, and knew he'd carry them with him all his life.

 

Then his dreaming self relaxed, and sleep swept over him as rapidly as the ferry floated through the ocean, into the darkness of an unknown world.

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

A few hours later, Resak woke them; the ferry was slowing. Outside the window, the harbor glistened in the starlight, and in the distance, something heavy and white loomed. "The mountain,” Resak pointed, when he saw Jonghyun staring. "Welcome to Rishirifuji, the fishing island grown into a college town." Resak was smiling broadly despite the hour. "I am glad to come home," he said, and Jonghyun saw it was true.

 

They gathered their backpacks, piling on coats and gloves and pulling up their hoods. When the outside door was pulled open, the pressurized cabin shot warm moist air out that instantly condensed, and a tiny flurry of snow settled on the steps down to the platform. “Fuck,” Dongho cursed, and pulled his hood closer around his face. "It's colder'n than North Korea.”

 

"Oh, oh, yes, very cold," Resak agreed. "Warmer in the city, though." Jonghyun looked around him curiously; they'd entered into a large station, obviously unheated. Resak walked briskly, sometimes backwards like a tour guide while he talked. "My family has been here since the beginning. They came with Harishda to build and later maintain the pumping station. My mother still works there; she is an hydraulic engineer, now, but she's done everything. She will tell you stories. We will stay several days here, if you do not mind. I wish to visit my family, and I thought perhaps you would enjoy your stay here."

 

Jonghyun looked at Minhyun, who said, "That's fine, Resak. We'd be happy to spend some time here."

 

"Thank you," Jonghyun added, and Minki half-bowed in agreement.

 

"Very good! First to the ritual, and then to my mother's, where you will stay."

 

"Oh, Resak, we can't put your mother out like that," Aaron protested, but Resak held up his hands, smiling.

 

"You must. My mother is very pleased you are coming, and there is room. They welcome you, the first visitors from your nation.”

 

Jonghyun nodded, and they followed Resak, still walking backwards to describe his beloved Rishiri Island.

 

"Now we go to the ritual, which you know. Not much farther to the civic center, and then we will ride onto the _shakaimura_."

 

The others looked at Minhyun, who shrugged; just because he booked the excursion didn’t mean he was familiar with the word. Well, they'd see soon enough, he thought, and followed Resak’s brisk pace through the city.

 

Jonghyun’s breath steamed out behind him, and he shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. He hoped the civic center wasn't too much farther. He needed to pee, and the cold air wasn't helping with that. Fortunately, Resak pointed at a dome-shaped building some three stories high. Roundest building he’d seen.

 

The doors to the civic center retracted gracefully, revealing a large and well-lit foyer. Resak led them deeper into the hall, down a gentle slope, and toward the largest group of people they'd ever performed the ritual with. There was the usual low table, although quite long and this time a wide oval, nearly circular, and covered with platters and little covered pots and jugs of what Jonghyun knew must be the water they pumped up from beneath the surface. He wondered how old that water was, and whether it would taste as amazing as the water they'd sampled elsewhere on Rishiri.

 

However, Resak directed them to the right, away from the people and table. "You will want to visit the facilities," he whispered shyly. They'd had to get used to the bathrooms here, where both genders used the same room. Here, in an important public building like this, there were many of the Rishiri variation of a urinal, plus a maze-like series of stalls. No doors. There weren't a lot of doors on Rishiri, they'd discovered. Well, they'd done just about everything in front of each other by now, and this did afford some privacy.

 

When Jonghyun emerged from the maze, Minhyun was lounging against a wall, arms crossed, grinning at him. "What?" he asked as he washed his hands.

 

"Just, just…”

 

But Jonghyun knew. Just this, all of this. How open everything seemed to be, how relaxed. How different from the world they were from.

 

He also knew how Minhyun felt about him, and a frisson of excitement rushed through him. In a few minutes, the ritual would start, and while most of it was similar to rituals he'd participated in on this trip, the anticipation of its ending thrilled him. Shortly, the knowledge of what Minhyun and he were to each other would wash through him yet again, and each time the experience grew more profound, more meaningful.

 

He and Minhyun stared at each other, and Jonghyun felt an answering grin on his face. As if still connected by the ritual, he knew that Jonghyun knew what he was feeling for him, and that Minhyun knew that he felt the same way, and he was so happy to share that with Minhyun.

 

Aaron stuck his head in. "Coming, Jonghyun? Minhyunnie?”

 

"On our way, Aaron.”

 

Minki and Dongho were already greeting people, and Jonghyun began smiling and gripping strangers' forearms in the customary local salutation. "Hello, hello," he heard Minhyun say, and twisted his head back to see Minhyun towering over the locals, who bowed and took his forearm warmly.

 

"Jonghyun-ba!" Resak called him, and he excused himself to sidle through the crowd to where Resak stood next to Sam. "This is my mother, Penanpe,” he said in English. “Mama, my friend Kim Jonghyun.”

 

She took his forearm and smiled up at him, speaking in slow Korean. "It is good to meet you, Jonghyun. I have heard much about you and your friends. My son is very pleased to have been given the honor of escorting you around Rishiri.”

 

"We're pleased, too, ma’am. He's been a wonderful guide." Minhyun stood next to him, and Jonghyun said, "Penanpe, this is my friend Hwang Minhyun. Minhyun, this is Resak’s mother."

 

"Pleasure to meet you, ma'am," Minhyun said, and bowed slightly.

 

"Oh, oh, yes," she said. "And Resak has told me of you, too. Welcome, welcome. You will stay in our shakaimura, yes?"

 

"Thank you—that's very kind of you," Jonghyun answered for them, but then someone clapped her hands and they turned to file around the table. ”Thank you for welcoming us to Rishiri,” he whispered, as the ritual began.

 

The crowd lightly patted the tabletop, the equivalent, Jonghyun had earlier decided, of applauding, and he motioned to his teammates to be seated. Resak put him, as usual, at the head of the table, with Minhyun to his right and Aaron to his left, and then Minki and Dongho to Minhyun’s right. Penanpe sat next to Minki.

 

A young woman was in charge of this ritual. Jonghyun watched her closely as she leaned forward to light the little candle in her hand from the large squat one burning in the center of the table. She then leaned to the right and lit her neighbor's candle, and chastely touched her lips to his. He carefully picked up his candle, lit his neighbor's, and kissed him.

 

The circle of light grew as each person at the table used their candle to light the candle held by the person seated next to them, and then kissed them. The first time they'd experienced this and Jonghyun had watched Dongho kiss Minki, he'd felt disoriented, as if he'd stepped through the quantum mirror again. And when he'd lit Minhyun’s candle and kissed him, it was as though the world had stopped rotating, had ceased revolving around its sun, and all the galaxy were waiting for Minhyun’s response.

 

Jonghyun remembered that response with pleasure as he watched the lights increase around this table. Minhyun had blushed as red as any tomato, licked his lips, and smiled at Jonghyun. And when they'd held hands, and that shock had shot through them, sending them scrambling back to their hostel and shivering into bed, all Jonghyun could remember was Minhyun’s mouth under his, Minhyun’s blush, his smile, and the warmth of his slightly sweaty hand.

 

And now they'd do it again. He couldn't wait.

 

Things were changing among the four teammates because of the ritual; Jonghyun knew this. He watched as Penanpe carefully lit Dongho’s candle, and as Dongho bent gravely to accept Penanpe’s kiss. He watched even more closely as Dongho lit Minki’s candle, shielding the flames with his big hand, and then softly cupping Minki’s face as he kissed him so sweetly that Jonghyun could nearly taste it. Minki was incandescent with pleasure when he turned to Minhyun and lit his candle, and he felt the waves of heat and pleasure roll off Minki as he kissed Minhyun.

 

When he moved toward Minhyun, he felt again the drawing together of the universe, the collapsing of time and space into just this moment and just this place. Minhyun’s eyes were glowing, tiny candle flames reflected in them, and then Jonghyun shut his eyes and opened his mouth and there was Minhyun, warm and alive and, yes, Jonghyun knew with all his heart, loving, Minhyun loved him, and he loved Minhyun, they had always loved each other, they would always love each other, and then too soon the kiss was broken, except Minhyun darted forward to kiss him once more, lightly, quickly, and then leaned back to turn to Penanpe and light her candle and kiss her formally.

 

When at last all the candles were burning, Jonghyun lifted his, raising his eyes to the light. An upswelling of joy filled his heart and, although he still felt the pain of his past, and of the years of hardship they had suffered together, he also felt the solid knowledge that he was loved and respected by people whom he loved and respected. Then he set the candle down and stretched out his hands to Aaron and Minhyun.

 

Remember, he told himself firmly, just before their hands clasped his, but just like each time before, he was instantly lost in the sensation of sudden and inexplicable knowledge, inarticulate before it, inarticulate after it, but wise in the immediacy of it. And he knew that

 

Minhyun loved him

 

Dongho’s back pain was better

 

Penanpe doted on Resak

 

Minki was missing Seoul

 

Aaron felt better now

 

someone had recently lost a child to a lung ailment

 

several people were anxious to test the sugar content of the grapes

 

many people were hungry to break their fast

 

And then it was gone, and Jonghyun felt a wave of loneliness hit him, and he turned to Minhyun, who gripped his shoulder, while the ritual leader said, "Please try the water—it is our oldest vintage."

 

The water was poured into the traditional ceramic vessels, and he sipped with pleasure. The ritual leader was right; it was extraordinary. Tasteless, slightly effervescent, at room temperature yet spreading a warmth through him. "Very good," he told her, raising his cup, and she smiled at him, raising her own cup to him return.

 

The meal was the standard local one, with rice and broth and dried seafood. Bottles of sake were put out, and platters of cooked and raw vegetables along with the salmon jerky that Jonghyun was coming to love, and rice warm from the pot. He especially loved a green vegetable that tasted like spring onions, taken with a bite of dried salmon. Crunching happily, he decided it was okay to get tipsy, and drank two cups of sake.

 

After dinner, Penanpe showed the teammates their rooms. Jonghyun was not at all surprised when he and Minhyun were given one room, and Dongho, Minki, and Aaron another. He felt himself blushing a little, but after the ritual, he had expected it. Minhyun looked at him as they unstrapped their backpacks and left them on the floor in a corner, and he felt almost compelled to go to Minhyun. Yet habit left him unable to reach out to him, and he just stood there, looking at him.

 

So Minhyun reached out and pulled Jonghyun into an embrace. Jonghyun sighed and relaxed into it. He still felt a slight tingle from Minhyun’s touch, though not the shock he experienced during the ritual. Just a little shiver, very pleasant. Minhyun rubbed his hands up and down Jonghyun’s back, and Jonghyun lay his cheek against Minhyun’s shoulder. Then they stepped away, and Minhyun followed Jonghyun out of the room and toward Resak’s voice down the hall.

 

"Penanpe’s going to show us the water pumping station in the hills,” Aaron told them. "Would you like to come?"

 

"I will go with you," Minki said, and Dongho nodded too.

 

Jonghyun glanced a little nervously at Minhyun; he felt too tired and tipsy for anything but bed, but he hated to contradict his host. Minhyun said to their hosts , ”You are all too kind, but Jonghyun and I are a bit tired.”

 

Resak peered closer. “You _are_ tired,” he said. “We’ll meet another time, then.”

 

Minhyun put his arm around Jonghyun as they waved goodbye to the others. The weight was warm and comforting in the frosty air, his lean body a support against Jonghyun’s exhaustion. He realized his dreams had been keeping him from sleeping as deeply as he needed. "I think I will take a nap," he said, and Jonghyun nodded.

 

Minhyun squeezed his shoulder and watched Jonghyun as he hesitantly found his way back to their room; turning back for a moment, he caught Minhyun’s gaze and smiled shyly at him, then ducked into the room. Kicking off his boots, he unbuttoned his jeans, fell onto the bed, and was instantly asleep.

 

He dreamed he rose from his sleep and wandered through the shakaimura. He couldn't find Minhyun, but Aaron was also asleep, curled up beneath the bulky covers. Dongho and Minki sat on the floor next to him, Minki reading a book and Dongho lost in thought.

 

Back out into the hallway, Jonghyun saw other people, coming home from work, he realized. In the enormous kitchen, Resak was cooking while his mother stole chips of the vegetables he was sauteeing. A couple around Resak’s age were kneading bread, arguing playfully over the texture of the dough and whether it should rise a third time or go into the oven now.

 

Jonghyun stepped through a door and realized he was dreaming again, as he had on the train. There was his body, asleep in an uncomfortable position; surely his left arm would be all pins-and-needles when he woke up. He wondered where Minhyun was, and then woke up.

 

"Oh, oh, yes," he grumbled, shaking out his arm, and got up to find his friends.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

A shakaimura turned out to be a kind of commune, Jonghyun discovered, when three more people joined them. Most of them worked at the pumping station, which Aaron explained included a lot more than just the actual pumping of water south. Ten people currently lived there, although Resak had rooms, and there were several guestrooms plus two more empty apartments. That explained the size of the kitchen, Jonghyun realized; they all shared the work and communal meals.

 

"I've never seen you drink so much," Minhyun said to him, and Jonghyun could tell he was a little worried.

 

"I just feel safe here," he explained, knowing he was overly earnest in his inebriation. "I mean, you're here, right?"

 

Minhyun smiled at him, and lightly touched his shoulder. “Yes, I'm here. I'll watch out for you tonight. But tomorrow, you’ll have to watch over me.”

 

"Yes, Minhyun,” he said meekly as he took another sip of the champagne.

 

Darkness was coming on when they finally rose from the table to begin ferrying empty dishes back into the kitchen. The days were even shorter in Rishiri during the winter. But he liked it. The warmth of the shakaimura’s kitchen, steamy with dishwater and filled with people laughing and drinking and getting in each other's way. Jonghyun was stealing a slice of bread, while Aaron and Minki dried dishes and talked to Penanpe. Dongho was putting dishes away at Resak’s direction, who was clearly delighted to have someone so tall, who could reach the back of the open shelves.

 

“Jonghyun-ba, Minhyun, is there anything you wish?" Resak asked them, once all the dishes had been put away.

 

"We're fine," Jonghyun said. "Aren't we, Minhyun.”

 

"We are. Thank you, Resak. For everything."

 

"Oh, you are welcome." To Jonghyun’s surprise, Resak hugged him quickly, and then headed off, presumably toward his own bed.

 

"Well, I'm pretty tired, Minhyun.”

 

"Oh, oh, no," Minhyun said, smiling mysteriously. "You gotta come with me."

 

“Minhyun,” Jonghyun said, hearing a whine creep into his tone.

 

“Jonghyun,” Minhyun mocked, and tugged Jonghyun’s coat closed. "Come on. It isn't far. You’ll love it."

 

Jonghyun dropped his head back, sighed, and said, "Okay. Just not for long, okay?"

 

"Okay."

 

They left the shakaimura again, turning right and then right again. It was very dark now; they were left with only starlight and the creamy glow of lamp lights filtered through tree branches to light their way. Then Minhyun turned into a well-worn pathway made of a different material than the street, loose, like mulch. A sweet scent rose around them and Jonghyun sniffed appreciatively.

 

"Down here," Minhyun instructed, and they entered what looked to Jonghyun like a cave. He stayed near Minhyun and focused on what was literally a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

The smell of water grew strong, and he felt moisture on his face. "Where are we going?"

 

"Ta da!" They stood in an oval-shaped room that was nearly filled with a pool of steaming water. “Resak showed me. Their hot spring.” Minhyun began to pull off his clothes, setting them on a bench built into the wall. Jonghyun saw the room was ringed with benches and shelves, all open. Hesitantly, he untied his boots and toed them off, watching as Minhyun stripped. "I've been waiting all afternoon for this, ever since Resak hinted at it."

 

"How's the water?"

 

“Nice and hot,” Minhyun chirped. 

 

Suddenly Minhyun was nude. Barely visible in the dim light, he looked trim and svelte. Jonghyun knew from their time together in hotels, on tours, living in each other’s space, how skinny Minhyun could get; he'd been through a lot, including overwork and burnout, in his life. But right now, no trace of the pain was visible. Jonghyun saw a flash as Minhyun grinned at him, and then suddenly he was in the water. "Whoa!" he shouted when he surfaced, and the room echoed it back.

 

Jonghyun laughed and finished undressing, then dove in as well. The water was as warm as a bath, and slightly fizzy, like champagne. "Oh my god," he moaned, floating on his back. "This feels incredible."

 

Minhyun didn't respond, but Jonghyun felt that frisson of connection between them again and knew he agreed. Brave in the darkness, he asked, "What is that?"

 

For a moment, he thought Minhyun would answer, _what is what?_  But after a pause, Minhyun said, "Us, I think. Don't you?"

 

"Yes, of course. But why?"

 

"Is it new?"

 

Jonghyun thought about that for a long time. He stretched out his arms and legs, taking up as much room as possible as he floated, then twisted and dove into the water, down and down, until he touched the rough bottom of the pool. When he popped up, gasping, he realized he could see the ceiling. It glowed faintly. He wondered if the aurora borealis reached Rishiri, if they were far north enough.

 

"No," he finally said.

 

"No, what?"

 

"No, it's not new. That, uh, thing we feel. Tingle."

 

"Tingle. Yeah. No, not new."

 

They said no more, but Jonghyun took great pleasure in soaking in the warm water near his friend, and wished he had another glass of sake to share with Minhyun, while he thought about what was happening.

 

He wasn't sure how he felt about having this secret revealed. Even to himself. He'd managed for years without knowing this; did he want to know? What was it doing to his relationship with Minhyun? Had Minhyun known? If not, did he want to? Knowing Minhyun as well as he did, Jonghyun thought not. Not a skinship kind of guy.

 

Yet the secret was out. Aaron knew. Minki and Dongho. Resak and his mothers, although they didn't matter in the same way his teammates did. Jonghyun also knew there was something between Dongho and Minki, and something else between Dongho and Minhyun, and something else between Aaron and Minki. The nexus among the five of them was complex and deeply knit. The loss of one would mean the loss of the tensile strength of the warp of the team.

 

But Jonghyun also knew that whatever was between him and Minhyun was different, qualitatively and quantitatively different, than what the others shared. And that that difference was threatened by the mere knowledge of its existence.

 

He sighed, and sank to the bottom again, leaving his eyes open this time. The pale light grew dimmer as he sank, but no matter how deep he went, there was still a faint glow illuminating the bubbles.

 

Well, he comforted himself surfacing, word was out. Too late to shut the door. At last, shivering despite the warm water, he climbed from the pool. “Shoot. What do we dry off with?"

 

"Oops." Minhyun stood next to him, shivering. "Forgot the towels." He picked up his tee shirt and started scrubbing at himself with it. Jonghyun grimaced but did the same.

 

By the time they got back to the shakaimura, he didn't care. He went straight to his room, swallowed two ibuprofen, drank an entire bottle of water, and fell into bed. He was aware that Minhyun followed suit, but was half asleep when he felt Minhyun’s gentle touch pulling Jonghyun toward him. He went willingly, sighing, and fell asleep with his head on Minhyun’s shoulder.

 

Jonghyun woke, parched and needing to pee; Minhyun was curled at his side, breathing into his shoulder. His breath was moist, and he snored.

 

Minhyun was right, he thought; this wasn’t new. How many nights had he woken like this, in some hotel, with Minhyun at his side, his presence a comfort and a source of strength to Jonghyun? The endless nights, the numberless days they'd worked and played and slept side-by-side—no, this wasn't new.

 

What was new was Jonghyun’s knowledge that Minhyun found comfort in him, too. All these years, Jonghyun had taken Minhyun’s comfort and friendship and love and never realized what he was giving back. But now he knew. He knew with his entire body what he meant to Minhyun. The information from the ritual was undeniable, unanswerable, and incontrovertible. He reached out and lightly touched Minhyun’s face, brushing the straight black hair back from his sweaty forehead. Oh, oh, yes, Jonghyun thought, smiling into the tender night. Loving you isn't new.

 

Acknowledging it—

 

Minhyun opened his eyes, sighed, and wriggled deeper into the mattress. "Hey," he murmured. "I'm hungry."

 

They wandered down to the kitchens and assembled some sandwiches from leftover bread, vegetables, and fish. Minhyun smiled at him, and took a big bite of his sandwich.

 

They munched in silence, and Jonghyun felt again the certitude of their relationship; no proof was required. They stood at the counter, side by side, Jonghyun leaning against Minhyun, saying nothing. The quiet soaked into Jonghyun, a bittersweet consolation for all that he had been through life, and yet somehow cheering him for the future.

 

And what would the future bring? He peeked at Minhyun from the corner of his eye, watching him stare straight ahead, lost in his own thoughts. The same, he decided. This was his future. Standing by Minhyun, supporting him, being supported by him; comforting him, and being comforted by him. Loving him, and being loved by him.

 

This wasn't new, nor would he let it change when they left Hokkaido and returned to Korea. They'd go on, quietly. The only difference was that Jonghyun now possessed an appreciation of their relationship, a relationship that transcended all others in his life. They were connected, intimate in all ways but one, and that would happen one day, too, Jonghyun had no doubt. But he resolved once again to be silent and to let the course of the discovery run.

 

Minhyun caught him looking, and, to Jonghyun’s surprise, rested his head against Jonghyun’s shoulder for a moment. He treasured the gesture, and knew he'd carry it in his heart, would add it to the inventory of embraces and touches from Minhyun he'd experienced in the years of their friendship.

 

Jonghyun sighed, and took another bite of his sandwich. In a minute, they'd hit the bathroom, and then climb back into bed. They'd sleep. Perhaps he'd dream, another vision of himself staring back at Minhyun and himself, or walking silently through the house or even out into the streets of Rishirifuji. Eventually he'd wake, still next to Minhyun, and they'd get through another day. And then another. And then still others, until the day would come when one of them wouldn't get through it, and the other would be bereft. A duet without one half.

 

Until then, Jonghyun thought, and lifted his cup again. Until that day, I will appreciate every moment of our lives together. Tears came to his eyes. The product, he scolded himself, of too much sake and not enough sleep. But he knew they also revealed the depth of his feelings for Minhyun and for what they shared.

 

He set down his sandwich and cup, lightly brushing the crumbs off his fingers, and turned to face Minhyun, who also set down his impromptu meal. They stared at each other. The knowledge of Minhyun’s feelings for Jonghyun fizzed in Jonghyun, like mountain deep water: impossibly old, impossibly pure.

 

"Better clean up," he finally said, and Minhyun nodded.

 

When they finally got back into the chilly bed, Minhyun slid in first and Jonghyun followed, putting his arms around Minhyun and drawing his knees up to fit behind Jonghyun’s. Minhyun put his hands over Jonghyun’s, squeezed once, and then left them there.

 

“Jonghyun,” he whispered, and for an instant Jonghyun felt compelled to release him and roll away, but Minhyun’s hands tightened again. "No, listen."

 

Jonghyun swallowed nervously. He wasn't sure he was ready for whatever Minhyun might say. He'd thought he'd known, but now that Minhyun was apparently ready to talk, he realized he didn't know at all. The certitude he'd felt in the kitchen evaporated as cleanly as the water from his lips, and he was left dry and frightened. "It's okay," Minhyun whispered. Jonghyun took a deep breath and consciously forced his muscles to relax, permitting himself to rest more heavily against Minhyun’s body.

 

"I think I know," he whispered, and under his hands felt Minhyun’s chest bounce with silent laughter.

 

"Then it won't hurt you to hear this."

 

Jonghyun wondered at that, but nodded, Minhyun’s hair tickling his nose as he did. Then he wondered at their role reversal—what just happened? Was the leader really afraid of confrontation? He smiled to himself, and tightened his arms around Minhyun. "Go on."

 

"Well." A lengthy pause reassured Jonghyun that he hadn't stepped into some Twilight Zone with a overemotional, verbose Minhyun after all. "Uh."

 

Jonghyun laughed quietly. "So you know all my secrets now," he finally said, and Minhyun sighed.

 

"Well, yes. You know mine. And everybody else's, I guess.” Minhyun sighed. “Wow.“

 

"Any problems?"

 

"No. No problems. You?"

 

"No, no."

 

Another long pause, which comforted Jonghyun even more. Knowledge was power, yes, but it was also powerful, and powerfully changing. He sighed heavily, and waited for Minhyun to continue. Wondered if he would continue. Wondered if he wanted Minhyun to continue.

 

And then decided he did.

 

Minhyun let go of Jonghyun’s hands and rolled to face him. Lying there sharing a bed, alone in the night, and carrying the knowledge that they did, Jonghyun felt vulnerable and a little frightened, yet heartened by Minhyun’s persistence. Minhyun was the bravest man he'd ever known, he thought, not for the first time, and smiled shyly. He could barely see Minhyun’s face in the faint light, but he knew Minhyun was smiling back.

 

"Well, here we are," Jonghyun said, and Minhyun pressed his forehead against Jonghyun.

 

"Yeah."

 

“Good,” Jonghyun said, and Minhyun laughed again.

 

"That's my line."

 

"Well, you're the one who wanted to talk, and that's my line."

 

“Minhyun.”

 

“Jonghyun.”

 

One more pause, and then Jonghyun said it out loud. Screwing up all his courage, feeling himself blush hotly in the dark, he said, "I love you."

 

Minhyun hugged him even tighter, their foreheads knocking a bit, and then pulled back, angled his head, and kissed him. At first, a kiss like their first ritual kiss weeks earlier back in Wakkanai, but slowly Minhyun’s lips softened, and his mouth opened, and Jonghyun sighed into Minhyun’s mouth. He hesitantly opened his own mouth to Minhyun, feeling Minhyun’s tongue lightly lick his lips. Jonghyun moaned, or maybe Minhyun did, and it didn't matter anymore.

 

 _I love you_ , Jonghyun thought, and tried to kiss Minhyun so he'd know how much Jonghyun loved him. Sweet, he thought, far too sweet for grown men who worked too much and ate late-night snacks of salmon jerky, but sweet nonetheless, and Jonghyun forgave himself for his sentimentality. He didn't idealize Minhyun, but he did think he was a hero, someone he respected, and someone he profoundly loved.

 

“Jonghyun, Jonghyunnie,” Minhyun whispered when they parted, and then kissed Jonghyun’s face, awkward and shy once again. "What do we do?"

 

Jonghyun answered him with another kiss. He was frightened again, but Minhyun was strength to him, was home for him, and with Minhyun’s help, he'd figure it out. They'd figure it out. This time, Minhyun’s response was unmistakable, and he rolled on top of Jonghyun, pressing his hips into Jonghyun’s pelvis.

 

Minhyun slid down a little, and Jonghyun parted his legs, so Minhyun could rest comfortably between them, holding himself up on his elbows and looking down at Jonghyun in the dim light. Not much to say, Jonghyun thought. Another sense-datum: unanalyzable, immediate, and utterly private. When words fail a lyricist, he thought, then gestures must do.

 

Jonghyun reached for the cup of mountain water next to the bed and held it between them. Staring into Minhyun’s eyes, he took a sip, then gently pulled Minhyun’s head down and deliberately kissed the water into Minhyun’s mouth. They swallowed, still kissing, and Minhyun thrust hard against Jonghyun’s erection. He let go of the cup and the water spilled onto them. Minhyun pushed the cup away and put his hands on Jonghyun’s chest, on the now-soaking tee shirt. "Yes," he said between kisses, and Jonghyun said, "Yes."

 

Afterwards, Minhyun slid off and helped him strip off the wet shirt and clean up, holding him tenderly, stroking his face, before lying down as close to Jonghyun as he could get. Jonghyun rested his head against Minhyun’s bony shoulder and felt Minhyun kiss his forehead and then slip into sleep, snoring slightly.

 

Another night in another world, Jonghyun thought sleepily. They had time. Perhaps tomorrow night. Or in another of the great cities. It didn't matter. The intimacy they shared was so profound that it genuinely didn't matter.

 

His eyes closed helplessly; he was sinking into sleep as he had sunk into the hot spring, and it was as warm and comforting as the spring had been. Minhyun’s presence permeated his consciousness, and followed him into his sleep.

 

And as he fell asleep, he began to dream. And in his dream, he remembered the ritual.

 

 _I love you_ , Minhyun had thought during each one. _I love you._

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was an exercise in personal wish-fulfillment, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. I just wanted a nice story where Jonghyun and Minhyun could get together after Nu'est reunited. #2hyunforlife
> 
> Happy New Year, everyone—and thank you for reading!


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